Am I a Hypocrite? You Tell Me.

Written by: Meredith Paci | Functional Health Coach

Happy Sunday! I hope the weekend you curated included a little room to breathe.

This morning I asked myself a question that stemmed from last night.

Last night I stayed up until midnight watching The Diplomat. If you haven’t seen it, it’s a series on Netflix, and the newest season came out recently. It’s brilliantly written, and my husband and I have thoroughly enjoyed it. We turned it on around 9 p.m. and didn’t stop until midnight! Then we shut it off, tidied up the living room, and went upstairs to bed. (There’s no TV in our bedroom. I’ve never had one, and that’s a line I will always hold ha ha.)

So that’s three hours of TV with the screen glowing right up until midnight, an hour and a half to two hours past my bedtime. If you’ve read anything I’ve written about sleep, you know that’s the opposite of what I’d suggest to you. That was incredibly poor sleep hygiene, and I’m not even going to bring my circadian rhythm into this.

This morning I had a thought... Does that make me a hypocrite?

I’m going to give you the context first so you can decide for yourself. Then I’ll tell you my answer. As a functional health coach, I think context is everything. It’s how I coach my clients and how I mentor my coaches.

As many of you know, my husband and I have been living apart. He has been in Canada, and I have been in the United States since February of this year. We’re about a year and three quarters into an immigration process with no known end date. Before these last two weeks, the last time I saw him was in July.

For the last 14 days he has been here with me. He flew down ahead of the closing on my house to support me and help me get settled, because I had nothing. As my clients have heard me say all week when they ask how it’s going, I have the bones of a house, and that feels really good. I am in my nesting era, and the spirit of my mom has been shining through like crazy.

Furnishing a home from nothing is incredibly overwhelming. I even broke my Instagram no-show streak to post about it. When I closed, I owned a bodyweight scale, a food scale, a pair of multipurpose kitchen scissors (which arguably double as a weapon if need be), and some plastic Tupperware. Add whatever clothing I’d accumulated living with my sister, and that’s it. I’ve spent most of this year living with family and bouncing between Airbnbs. This morning my husband told me, “You’ve been living in a suitcase for longer than a ship contract.” We met working on cruise ships, for those who don’t know, where an entertainment contract runs about six to seven months. He’s not wrong.

Having him here to help bring in the first pieces that turn those bones into a home, a desk, a chair, a bed, has meant the world. On Friday we moved all my things from my family’s home, where I’ve been staying, into my new place. He leaves tomorrow. We’ve both felt the pressure building as Monday gets closer. So on Saturday night, last night, I decided I wasn’t going to work right up until it was time to close up shop. I wanted that time with my husband.

What you should also know is that I’ve watched TV once since August. I remember it because it was an actual event. I made a point of sitting down with my sister and brother in law and spending that time with them. And no judgment at all if you watch TV more often than I do. It just got me thinking a lot about time and what we do with it.

The same goes for social media. I’ve made a choice not to give it much of my time since March of this year, because other things need that time right now. It also got me thinking about the coaches I mentor. Whether you own a business, work for someone else, love what you do, or don’t, there is always something you could be doing or should be doing. Being a person in this life works the same way. This year a few things moved up my list, and things like TV and social media moved down. It was a trade, and I chose it. I’m not saying those things won’t come back. Then again, I wonder.

So, am I a hypocrite for staying up until midnight watching TV last night?

If I were my own coach and this were my client, I’d say no. The reason is what this whole letter is about.

What you do most days is what you’re practicing and what you believe in. One night outside that pattern is very different from a life made of exceptions.

When the exceptions are the pattern

I see this all the time as a coach. Here are a few versions of it:

• A client who chronically hurts her back says she doesn’t have time for her mobility and strength work, until something starts hurting. Then she’s on the floor doing it every day for a week.
• A client trains three days a week at home, then stops completely every time she travels.
• A client sets her alarm for a morning workout and turns it off four mornings out of five.
• A client eats well and drinks her water when she’s “on,” and runs on coffee whenever work gets busy, which is most weeks.

On any single day, each of these women is doing something good for herself. Look across three months, though, and her default is not doing it. The good days are the exceptions. She’s more out of it than she’s in it.

“I don’t have time”

I’ll be honest about my own reaction here, and this part is my opinion. I have a really hard time when “I don’t have time” or “I can’t” becomes the standing answer, because once it does, nothing can be done with it. If you truly can’t do something, you can’t, and that is very real. The question then becomes what you can do. Is this a can’t, or is it a won’t?

Real constraints exist. Caregiving, shift work, illness, and death are real, and seasons with very little margin in them are real. I know that firsthand. Within those seasons, I believe flexibility wins. You look for a way to take care of yourself. Sometimes that means holding a boundary, and sometimes it means giving yourself a little grace with it.

That’s exactly what last night was for me. I gave myself grace on my bedtime so I could have three more hours with my husband before he gets on a plane. The boundary is still there. I chose to bend it for one night, with my eyes open.

When one night feels like failure

Then there’s the other side. Some people would read about my Saturday night and decide I’d blown it. Some of you would think that about yourselves after the same night. One late night, one missed workout, or one dinner off plan becomes proof that the whole thing is broken, so why even bother?

That’s the all or nothing cycle. First comes the strict diet and six to twelve classes a week. Then comes the burnout, and then you’re looking around asking why you’re so tired.

These two people look like opposites, but they’re making the same mistake. Both judge themselves by a single day when they should be looking at the pattern of days. One never builds a default to come back to. The other has one but treats any day off as the end of it. Flexibility only works when there’s something steady underneath to flex from.

So when four workouts won’t happen this week, do two. Two keeps you in it. Zero is where the pattern starts to change.

It will always be inconvenient....If you wait for your health to fit conveniently into your life and into your day, frankly, you’ll be waiting for a week that never comes. There will always be travel, a deadline, a sick somebody, maybe even a sick you, a move, a closing, an immigration process, a death.

A while ago I missed a scheduled client call with another professional. I felt awful, like horrible, so embarrassed I could feel it in my whole body... and couldn't let it go for weeks. That said, within about 15 minutes of realizing I f-up'ed I had built a scheduling system and a policy so it would never (hopefully) happen again. I didn’t decide I was bad at scheduling and stop trying. I fixed the system and kept the commitment.

This year I’ve done my mobility work in an Airbnb, crawling between a bed and a bed frame like a spider. It was not cute. I got it done, because that was the smallest version available that still counted. Nobody else would have known whether I did it or not, but I knew. That’s where confidence in doing hard things comes from, and it’s something a lot of people avoid...

A friend, fellow professional, and someone I respect highly has lived this out over several years. Sean Jacobs, who you’ll read about in the P.S., has spent five years working toward one project while carrying many others at the same time. Life got in the way more than once, including a horrible accident where he was severely burned while competing on the Netflix show Outlast. He had to cancel the trip more than once. He kept going anyway, and in a few days it happens!

Being able to keep investing in your body, your life, as you get older is a privilege. A lot of people in this world don’t get that option, and I don’t take it lightly. It’s a big part of why I do what I do with women.

So, my answer. Last night was one night, chosen with purpose, on the last weekend my husband and I have together for a while, inside a pattern I’ve kept all year. I’d love to hear yours. Hit reply and tell me whether you’d call me a hypocrite, or whether you’ve had this same conversation with yourself.

A few questions for you this week

1. Pick one habit you say is important to you. Across the last 30 days, was it your default or your exception?
2. The last time you skipped it, was that a choice you’d make again, or did it just fall off?
3. What moved down your list this year, and did you choose that, or did it happen to you?
4. What is the smallest version of that habit you could keep doing during your hardest week?

If you want help answering any of these for your own life, book a 1:1 strategy session with Sarah or me. If you have a question you’d rather ask anonymously, whether it’s about your own hormonal health or hormonal health in general, including hormone therapy, send it through Ask Fortify. I will answer it in a future newsletter and keep your identity anonymous.

With Love, 

Mere and Sarah

P.S. My friend and colleague Sean Jacobs, an esteemed strength coach in Tampa, Florida, and an absolute badass human, is about to do something I have so much respect for. After volunteering in East Africa in 2022, he started building the Ubuntu Society (hyperlinked here), a nonprofit that partners with established local initiatives in East Africa. He has been working toward this first trip for five years and has had to cancel it more than once. People went so far as to tell him he was too young and should save this project for retirement. On October 26th, just days from now, he leaves for Kenya. On October 30th and 31st, he and his team will run the first annual health, fitness, and sports clinic for local teachers and coaches, covering everything from nutrition to mobility to sports performance. If you’d like to support him with a one-time donation, please consider doing that here. Anything counts. And if you’re in the Tampa area, they’re collecting used soccer cleats for youth athletes in Kenya

I am not a licensed medical provider. This newsletter is educational and is not medical advice.